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Channeling Zoidia's avatar

There are moments when I can use it as escape as well. Being out working in my garden centers me like nothing else. And it’s funny because there was a time when I avoided being outside. I was in a constant cyclone of chaos honestly and before that I would always be out there. As a kid I used to pretend my toys were playing outside. All of my best memories are out in nature and I never really understood how much this is medicine for me until the last few years. Music is a big thing too and birds! In the last three years I went through what I think people call an awakening but I kind of feel like we do that our whole lives. In 2023 I went through this thing where I kept trying to define my spirituality because I finally noticed other people were having similar thoughts and expressing them. My whole life I’ve had an undefined relationship with spirituality due to early childhood seeing how people were in my family church. I didn’t identify with any of it and found it difficult to rationalize a living God being Angry and is needing to earn happiness. I would get angry when they would say one day it’ll all be better in heaven. I liked it here! No matter what crappy things were happening ( and I had a few things to be unhappy about) I loved life here. So anyway I carried that but also feeling so connected to whatever IT is. I was angry and later very vocal but it kind of took that awakening to make me realize my childhood understanding was my understanding. And lately I have been feeling so connected especially when I can go out and experience it. I have come to embrace my not knowing hahaha

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